Up, Down, Round and Round

Feel like I've been chasing myself around in circles for weeks now and achieving not a lot, although I have achieved such a lot just lately.

Himself had  his operation and it wasn't a success, so he will need yet another op, but first we must see the Specialist to discuss the options. 
He's still in so much pain it's sickening, nothing helps, he's now considering going private just to get it sorted.

The whole situation is just so stressful, my O.C.D. is coming back which is causing problems mentally, but I'm trying to keep it under control. It's really hard to explain the totally feeling of dread that has blanketed me at the moment, but it is like all emotion has been sucked out of me and I'm just an empty shell.

Had my first Craft Fair which was a step learning curve but I covered my pitch costs so I'm pleased about that. I'm really busy making Christmas stock at the moment so I can post on Stone Pit Crafts website.

Found this beautiful Sunflower which has decided to grow among my Tomato's at home, quite pleased with the picture quality as I used my mobile.

Home you're all well and take care.

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Chinks of Light and De-Cluttering

Last week I got signed off work with Depression, now my sick days have shot through the roof, which will no doubt mean a meeting without coffee with my new Line Manager. 

Yes, I have another one. This is the third since the the whole process of me being Medically Retired/Dismissed started up in February!

The first couple of days I felt pretty upset about the whole thing. Then on the Sunday I went to Redhill with Himself, for the presentation of his award for doing over 500 voluntary hours as a Community First Responder. 

The Black Cloak

It's here again, the enveloping black cloak of Depression and Paranoia, wrapping itself tightly around me.

 

I can feel it suffocating me as the O.C.D is taking over my life again. I'm exhausted with constant obsessive thoughts racing around my head. I'm struggling to be civil to people, I don't want to talk to them, and I certainly don't want them talking to me. I just want to stay at home where it's safe, I don't want to go out and face the world. I just want to be left alone.

Chuffin' Unbelievable!!!

Yesterday I had to go to the Admin Building to sort out some courses for my IT training and would you believe it, out of all the hundreds of courses available to staff, there are no IT ones, plus I had to miss my 30 minute meal break to do it!

Chuffin' unbelievable!!!

Me being me, I then decided to use my initiative (see, I'm not always as daft as people think I am) and phoned the on site education center, where I had done my Maths and English GCSE's  three years ago, and had also started and paid for the  ECDL (please don't ask what it stands for I don't know, but it's an IT course) to see if they still ran it.

As luck would have it I spoke to my old tutor, who spookly remembered me, even though he must have dealt with thousands of people since he last saw me.

A Cunning Plan *but still no answers*

It seems like an absolute age since I last had some news to update on the Job/Medical Retirement/Dismissal interviews.

On Wednesday had another long train Journey this time to Portsmouth. 

HMS Warrior

On the Turn of a Sixpence

You've probably heard the expression "On the Turn of a Sixpence"

Well this week our lives changed overnight! 

I can't go into too much medical detail at present, as Himself is still in hospital and I've not told him I'm writing this, so feel it would be unfair on him, but I really need to write about it.

On Tuesday Himself went into hospital for a routine operation involving an overnight stay, all went well, he was in recovery and I made my way to hospital to meet up with him on the ward. 

When I arrived at approx 1930hrs I was told he was still in recovery and to wait in the day room, so I waited, and I waited, and I waited.

Eventually I was allowed to see him at approx 2330hrs and was warned he was still in a lot of pain. 

A lot of pain, was a complete understatement! 

A Strange Week

I have had the strangest week.

Monday:-  I made what has become the normal round of phone calls, trying to find out what the heck is going on with my job!

Tuesday:-  My back and neck were agony, so had to come home from work early and go to the Doctors, she thinks I may have a spur on my  neck trapping the nerves and making my hands feel all numb and tingly, so need an x-ray doing for that. In fact just remembered, I've still not phoned to make an appointment.

Wednesday:-  What a grotty day at work, with my back still playing up and I was trying to keep my temper as best I could, as a

Tardy Blogger

Seems like an age since I last updated my Blog, but in fact it has only been a week, but the longest week of my life!

Finally got the result of those Medicals, a report that doesn't make pleasant reading I can tell you.

Got told by my Boss "If any more reasonable adjustments were required, then I would be getting my P45 so I can sit on the sofa all the time.

Which was well out of order, and resulted in several nasty Panic Attacks this week, due I think, to the fact I've been mega stressed

about this whole process.

I won't bore you to death with the whole story, but as a result I've now received a massive pile of paperwork to wade through, as they

Glad that's Over

What a week it's been!!!

Credit

I've been highly stressed this week, some of my own making, but mostly because of others...

No news on the Medical front yet which is adding to the stress, I know I shouldn't let these things get to me, but sometimes its hard

Mad as a Box of Frogs

Last week I went for my medical about my fitness to carry on working, and boy was that a waste of time!

Himself had to come with me as I find it far to stressful to go to new places on my own. 
Had to travel all the way to Portsmouth, and it then took me 25 minutes to hobble to the building where my medical was taking place from the train station.

By the time we got there, I was in serious pain and could barely walk. Thankfully there was a lift, so no stairs because I really don't think I could have walked up them if there were!

As I booked in 15 minutes before my appointment, this woman came out and said "Are you Dawn? I want to get this started as I want to go home"

We followed her in shocked silence, as this is my future we were there to discuss. Not some minor medical matter!

She didn't seem to know exactly why I was there, luckily I had taken my previous medical reports which as she read, spent the whole time singing in a rather flat tone "Dum Dee Dum Dee Dee" and doing it even when typing her report.

The whole time I'm sitting there feeling like I'm facing "The Executioner" 

She was very unsettling and hardly asked me any questions, just looked at my repeat prescription form and said  "I don't understand how you can be here and awake on Morphine and all your other drugs"

I replied "Because I've just got to get on with life, haven't I" in a rather aggressive tone, so Himself informed me when we left. Oops!!!

I'm not going to bore you with the whole interview although it was rather too short I felt for such an important matter!

She couldn't make a decision, so now I've been referred to see a Doctor for yet another medical, I can't believe how much I'm being jerked around. I'm happy to work, I've never complained about not being able to manage my job.

This whole process is so very very stressful!!!

It's making me feel totally unwell, I'm unable to sleep because of the worry of losing my job and how I will support myself!

Hopefully the Doctor I have to see, will be able to finally make a decision so I can get on with the rest of my life!!!