Up, Down, Round and Round

Feel like I've been chasing myself around in circles for weeks now and achieving not a lot, although I have achieved such a lot just lately.

Himself had  his operation and it wasn't a success, so he will need yet another op, but first we must see the Specialist to discuss the options. 
He's still in so much pain it's sickening, nothing helps, he's now considering going private just to get it sorted.

The whole situation is just so stressful, my O.C.D. is coming back which is causing problems mentally, but I'm trying to keep it under control. It's really hard to explain the totally feeling of dread that has blanketed me at the moment, but it is like all emotion has been sucked out of me and I'm just an empty shell.

Had my first Craft Fair which was a step learning curve but I covered my pitch costs so I'm pleased about that. I'm really busy making Christmas stock at the moment so I can post on Stone Pit Crafts website.

Found this beautiful Sunflower which has decided to grow among my Tomato's at home, quite pleased with the picture quality as I used my mobile.

Home you're all well and take care.

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News at Last (sort of)

As many of you know the the last nine months have been pure torture for me, because my employer decided that I wasn't fit enough to do my job anymore. 

Yes I have severe Arthritis and yes it was a struggle to do my job, but I'm still able to do my job as a result of some reasonable adjustments that were put into place approx two years ago.

In those two years I have been happy in my work, and had very few sick days. In fact in nearly 13 years of working there, I have never hit the trigger point for disciplinary with my sick days.

I registered my Disabled status with my employer approx five years ago, as with all things computerised, systems get updated and Disability details needed to be re-entered, which I duly did as it's a legal requirement.

As a result of updating my details, I received a letter saying I needed to attend a medical, I have since attended several, all with the same result. 

I'm not fit to work!

I disagreed with these findings, due to the fact I was still at work and doing my job. So a meeting was called and I was interviewed by several people from various departments.

In June I completed all the paperwork for my Medical Retirement/Dismissal very reluctantly, and started my IT course to help me find another job.

As the months dragged on there was no news on the retirement/dismissal/job front and I'm still attending work full time. I would rather stay at work in a job I love, but I have come to accept it's for my own welfare these decisions have been made.

On the 30th October I received a letter stating I was being Medically Retired not Medically Dismissed, which is a massive relief, as I will be getting a small pension. If the findings had been for Medical Dismissal I would in a world of financial hardship, as you can imagine it was a huge relief!

I don't know when I will be actually retiring, there has been no mention. 

I'm still attending work!

It's got to the point that I've had enough! 

They got what they wanted, so just give me a leaving date and let me go! 

Daft as a Brush

Sometimes I'm so Stupid!

Last week I decided that I would start posting my Silent Sunday pictures back on this blog, to give you all a weekly break from my constant moaning.

So what do I do? 
I go and post it on Just Look and You Will See again!! So head over  there and check it out if you came here looking for it. I was confused, the linky came out early this week. If you follow me regularly, you will know this is actually not that surprising.

Being as I'm sat here writing this post I'll update you on the Job situation.

I got it. I got Medical Retirement and not Medical Dismissal. What a relief I can tell you.

So I'll be unemployed after 24th December, what will I do with myself? 

Maybe I will finally get to the bottom of that forever growing pile of ironing, who knows, but I doubt it.

I have no idea how I will survive financially. I have no real qualifications to get myself a decent job, although I did take my GCSE's in Maths and English three years ago, getting an A Star for both.

I may go back to collage, I have plans for a business, but can I do it on my own?

Or I might just sit down and watch every single episode of  "Lost"  again, now that sounds like a plan!

I'm not happy I am being retired off like some knackered old horse, but retirement gives me so many more choices than dismissal would have.

What will the future hold? 
I have absolutely no chuffin' idea, but it's really, really scary...

Vets, Vets, Physio and Jumpers

Last week we thought Badger Boo had a stroke which was our Vets diagnosis, he was very ill and it resulted in a referral trip to Fitzpatricks, better known as the Bionic Vet. 

What an amazing place, luckily for us it is quite near to where we live, but people travel across the country to attend this amazing practice.

We were told by our vet he would need an MRI scan to determine whether or not he had had a stroke, luckily for my purse after the most in depth examination it was decided it wasn't a stroke as he was showing none of the usual signs.

We saw Dr Tim, and after checking Badgers reflexes and bending him in all sorts of directions **none of which he minded I might add** a quick look in his ear found the source of the problem. 

It was a GRASS SEED! It  had caused a middle ear infection affecting his balance. To say that was an expensive and embarrassing experience is an understatement, thankfully we didn't have to have the humiliation of the MRI too.

Chinks of Light and De-Cluttering

Last week I got signed off work with Depression, now my sick days have shot through the roof, which will no doubt mean a meeting without coffee with my new Line Manager. 

Yes, I have another one. This is the third since the the whole process of me being Medically Retired/Dismissed started up in February!

The first couple of days I felt pretty upset about the whole thing. Then on the Sunday I went to Redhill with Himself, for the presentation of his award for doing over 500 voluntary hours as a Community First Responder. 

The Black Cloak

It's here again, the enveloping black cloak of Depression and Paranoia, wrapping itself tightly around me.

 

I can feel it suffocating me as the O.C.D is taking over my life again. I'm exhausted with constant obsessive thoughts racing around my head. I'm struggling to be civil to people, I don't want to talk to them, and I certainly don't want them talking to me. I just want to stay at home where it's safe, I don't want to go out and face the world. I just want to be left alone.

The Jumper Update

Things are going well with the jumper at the moment I'm happy to report, although it is a very slow process as I can only do it when my hands feel up to it.

Getting somewhere at last

As you can see the pattern is finally taking shape, I'm very please with it I have to say.

It's amazing what you can achieve with two simple little stitches,

and when I put them in the right places lol!

I've had to stop knitting the front, as it has the odd mistake, and it will now become the back of my jumper.

I have started the front again, hopefully this will be perfect, I can live with mistakes on the back, but not on the front when I will be able to see them all the time. They are only very small mistakes, but they will bug me if I can see them.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder  (O.C.D.) is a bugger like that!!!

I won't let it beat me I will get this Jumper finished...

A Change is good, isn't it?

A change is good isn't it? 

I sure hope so, I've been messing around with the settings and lost the layout the I liked for this Blog!

OMG I can tell you that is not good when you suffer from O.C.D. as badly as I do!

I've spent several hours trying to get things back to how they were without success. So in the end I decided to go for something completely different, that way I'm not going to be looking at it all the time and getting worrying thoughts.

It all started when I created a new Blog for Badger Boo, to stop