Chuffin' Unbelievable!!!

Yesterday I had to go to the Admin Building to sort out some courses for my IT training and would you believe it, out of all the hundreds of courses available to staff, there are no IT ones, plus I had to miss my 30 minute meal break to do it!

Chuffin' unbelievable!!!

Me being me, I then decided to use my initiative (see, I'm not always as daft as people think I am) and phoned the on site education center, where I had done my Maths and English GCSE's  three years ago, and had also started and paid for the  ECDL (please don't ask what it stands for I don't know, but it's an IT course) to see if they still ran it.

As luck would have it I spoke to my old tutor, who spookly remembered me, even though he must have dealt with thousands of people since he last saw me.

Grumpy Bear

After the good mood of last week and everybodies lovely support from going out, I'm sad to say things aren't going so well this week!

I'm back to being exhausted, withdrawn, paranoid, craving the solitude and letting my O.C.D.  take over as it makes me feel so safe.

I wish I knew why these feelings happen, although I suspect it has
something to do with the fact I have to have a medical at the end of this month, to see if I'm fit enough to go back to work. It also mentioned about what would happen if I couldn't go back to work.

Go back to work, bloody cheek of it!!!!

I've only had 9 days sick in the last 12 months, and I suspect it is an excuse to get rid of me to save money!

Consequently I have been spending a fair amount of time worrying about whether I will have a job for much longer, and if not how will I support myself?

It's really hard to explain the totally feeling of dread that has blanketed me at the moment, but it is like all emotion has been sucked out of me and I'm just an empty shell.

The feeling of dread as I drive to work, gets stronger and stronger as I draw nearer, and doesn't start to lift until I am back at home.

Although each time it lifts, it lifts a little less, and that wall I built around myself is getting higher and higher!

Only time will tell how long this latest episode will last, but I hope for my family's sake it doesn't last too long!

Far to Tired to Care

Today is one of those days where I've had just about enough!!!

I'm sick of being in pain!!!


Sick of people around me thinking they know what is best for me!!!

Unless you have been here, you have no idea how relentless and debilitating pain can be!!!

Yes I'm grumpy today!!!

I'm grumpy because certain people are voicing their opinions!!!


Insinuating I sit around doing nothing all day!!!!

It is very, very hard to keep going when every movement causes excruciating pain!!!


But I do keep going, because if I stop, I'd stop forever!!!


Don't judge me, when all you know is what you think you know!!!

Believe me, you don't know even half of it!!!

If you are reading this, you know who you are!!!


I suggest you keep your stinking nose, out of my business!!!


At least get your facts right before dictating to me!!!

Rant over