Grumpy Bear

After the good mood of last week and everybodies lovely support from going out, I'm sad to say things aren't going so well this week!

I'm back to being exhausted, withdrawn, paranoid, craving the solitude and letting my O.C.D.  take over as it makes me feel so safe.

I wish I knew why these feelings happen, although I suspect it has
something to do with the fact I have to have a medical at the end of this month, to see if I'm fit enough to go back to work. It also mentioned about what would happen if I couldn't go back to work.

Go back to work, bloody cheek of it!!!!

I've only had 9 days sick in the last 12 months, and I suspect it is an excuse to get rid of me to save money!

Consequently I have been spending a fair amount of time worrying about whether I will have a job for much longer, and if not how will I support myself?

It's really hard to explain the totally feeling of dread that has blanketed me at the moment, but it is like all emotion has been sucked out of me and I'm just an empty shell.

The feeling of dread as I drive to work, gets stronger and stronger as I draw nearer, and doesn't start to lift until I am back at home.

Although each time it lifts, it lifts a little less, and that wall I built around myself is getting higher and higher!

Only time will tell how long this latest episode will last, but I hope for my family's sake it doesn't last too long!