Smile it's the Weekend

 I'm sick to death of hospitals!
I spend a lot of time at the RSCH with my own conditions, but this year I'm there practically every week, if it's not me it's Himself.

It all started last year when Himself had severe complications after a routine operation, which  I wrote about at the time.
Eventually he recovered, although he still suffers pain in his left side at the operation site, he's had to learn to live with it.

This year Himself started treatment for a kidney stone in his right kidney, after several unsuccessful rounds of Lithotripsy (not sure of spelling) and two operations, stents and months of agonising pain, the stone has still not been removed, the stent causes him excruciating pain 24/7 and he's waiting for a third operation to try and remove it.

He had his second operation in September and even though his surgeon says it is urgent, he was informed yesterday he has another 18 week wait!

As a result he's now being forced to research going Private as he can't bear it any longer, and frankly nor can I. 
It's been going on for far too long!

Tempers are frayed, we both need more rest than we're getting as neither of us can do much for our selves, let alone each other and life is very hard.


I know your thinking " But where's the smile this week?"

Well I have two for you, the first is Himself's favorite video of all time and always makes him laugh, and the second is one of my many favorites, enjoy.






Your welcome to link up below about anything you want, you can even grab the Inlinkz code to add to your post if you want. All are welcome and it stays open until midnight Sunday.
Full details here.

Hope you all have a great weekend.
xxx

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Silent Sunday

                   
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Smile it's Friday

Last week at the hospital I got the most amazing, fantastic news.
The Nurse Practitioner has recommended that new knees would be beneficial to me!!!
WHOOP WHOOP



I know it's chuffin' amazing news!

I still need to see my surgeon who will make the final decision as to a yes or no, but it's fingers crossed from now until I see him.
If he decides I can go ahead it will change my life in so many ways. Things I've not been able to do for years will be open to me again, like horse riding and running. 

Arthritis is so debilitating, the constant pain and side effects from the drugs I need everyday make life so restricted.

I'm scared at the prospect but OMG so excited too!!!

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend.

xxx

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Mumbo Jumbo and Voodoo

I'd like to start this post with a "Big Thank You" to Lesley Beeton for all her support. 

She recommended I ask the Doctor to refer me to the Pain Clinic, when my Arthritis was really agonising several months ago and having a severe negative impact on my life.

As a result it was recommended I try acupuncture. 

Yeah right, it's all mumbo jumbo and voodoo isn't it?

Well I'm telling you it really, really works!!!

 It's not for everyone I grant you, but it has improved my pain management no end. I feel great, so great I just scared the chuffin' life out of myself when I realised I'd just trotted down the stairs like a normal person without thinking about it. 

Normally I have to go down one stair at a time hanging on to the hand rails in case my knee's give way, they do quite often. I've fallen down the stairs on numerous occasions sustaining minor injuries and one time dislocating my shoulder.

I've been having Reflexology for about five years now with Christina Driscoll in Camberly and it's great at keeping me moving, but as my Arthritis has got worse I've needed something a little more.

The first acupuncture session was all new to me and little scary, but it didn't stop me sneaking my camera out to prove I'd had it done, to those who thought I couldn't go through with it.

I won't lie, it did sting a bit when Gev (my Physio-Terrorist) put the needles in, but soon I couldn't feel them at all. As the weeks have gone on I now have much bigger needles and a lot more of them, although I've never thought to count how many.

I'm still on some pretty heavy duty painkillers and hopefully I should be able to start reducing them soon, but one step at a time I don't want to rush into anything to quickly.

I'm linking this post to The Gallery as the theme this week is "New" and acupuncture was new to me.

So if someone suggests it to you for pain management, give it a go.
You have nothing to lose except the pain. 
I'm so glad I did.

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News at Last (sort of)

As many of you know the the last nine months have been pure torture for me, because my employer decided that I wasn't fit enough to do my job anymore. 

Yes I have severe Arthritis and yes it was a struggle to do my job, but I'm still able to do my job as a result of some reasonable adjustments that were put into place approx two years ago.

In those two years I have been happy in my work, and had very few sick days. In fact in nearly 13 years of working there, I have never hit the trigger point for disciplinary with my sick days.

I registered my Disabled status with my employer approx five years ago, as with all things computerised, systems get updated and Disability details needed to be re-entered, which I duly did as it's a legal requirement.

As a result of updating my details, I received a letter saying I needed to attend a medical, I have since attended several, all with the same result. 

I'm not fit to work!

I disagreed with these findings, due to the fact I was still at work and doing my job. So a meeting was called and I was interviewed by several people from various departments.

In June I completed all the paperwork for my Medical Retirement/Dismissal very reluctantly, and started my IT course to help me find another job.

As the months dragged on there was no news on the retirement/dismissal/job front and I'm still attending work full time. I would rather stay at work in a job I love, but I have come to accept it's for my own welfare these decisions have been made.

On the 30th October I received a letter stating I was being Medically Retired not Medically Dismissed, which is a massive relief, as I will be getting a small pension. If the findings had been for Medical Dismissal I would in a world of financial hardship, as you can imagine it was a huge relief!

I don't know when I will be actually retiring, there has been no mention. 

I'm still attending work!

It's got to the point that I've had enough! 

They got what they wanted, so just give me a leaving date and let me go! 

Why Does It Always Happen To Us?

Himself has wanted a decent camera for some time, he has always been happy with a compact in the past, but lately has decided he wants to join me in my love of photography, and I'm more than happy to help with my pretty limited knowledge. If I'm honest, most of my pictures are down to having a brilliant camera rather than any skill on my part, but please don't tell him that!

On Saturday we went shopping to buy Himself his camera, he had done a lot of research and finally decided a Canon SX40 would suit his needs. All the lenses built in, and some really good features, in fact I was so impressed with it I'm seriously thinking about replacing my old Fujifilm S100 with it.

So off we went to Guildford and into Jessops, the sales assistant was a lovely girl and very knowledgeable, she suggested we also look at the Sony DSC-HX200V which was one he hadn't researched.

What a great camera, we both loved it, but we're very reserved about impulse buying, she printed of the

Chinks of Light and De-Cluttering

Last week I got signed off work with Depression, now my sick days have shot through the roof, which will no doubt mean a meeting without coffee with my new Line Manager. 

Yes, I have another one. This is the third since the the whole process of me being Medically Retired/Dismissed started up in February!

The first couple of days I felt pretty upset about the whole thing. Then on the Sunday I went to Redhill with Himself, for the presentation of his award for doing over 500 voluntary hours as a Community First Responder. 

The Black Cloak

It's here again, the enveloping black cloak of Depression and Paranoia, wrapping itself tightly around me.

 

I can feel it suffocating me as the O.C.D is taking over my life again. I'm exhausted with constant obsessive thoughts racing around my head. I'm struggling to be civil to people, I don't want to talk to them, and I certainly don't want them talking to me. I just want to stay at home where it's safe, I don't want to go out and face the world. I just want to be left alone.

The Gallery 115 ~ Breakfast

The prompt in The Gallery this week is Breakfast.

Today starts off like any other day, with a fistful of pills before I got out of bed, then once they start to kick in, it's time to get up and face the day.

Breakfast:- Yummy

Some of you already know I suffer with debilitating Arthritis so this will be no shock to you, apologies if the sight of this many pills in the morning offends anyone else.

Once I get downstairs it's a cup of rice milk and a bowel of Weetabix, followed by approx four cigarettes before heading off to work.

Yes I know, not the most healthy of Breakfast! 

If you want to check out what other people have for Breakfast, pop over to Sticky Fingers and find out.

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Stop the Ride, I Want to Get Off!

"Stop the Ride, I Want to Get Off!"

Have you ever heard those words as a roller-coaster sets off when someone changes their mind? 

That's exactly how my life has been feeling for the past few weeks, the pain in my back is becoming unbearable! I can barely do anything at the moment. I can feel the big black cloud of Depression pushing it's way back into my brain. 

 The house is a mess as I struggle to keep on top of things. We've been eating processed food **muck** as I can't stand long enough to cook, just walking around the in house is absolute agony. How I wish we had a downstairs toilet, I stand at the bottom of the stairs and they look like an impossible challenge, it can take me several minutes to climb them, so I'm now spending a lot of time upstairs to avoid the climb. 

All this extra back pain is on top of the Arthritis pain in my knees, hands and joints. My

Cabin Fever

As I enter week two of being signed off work I am totally bored to tears! Being off work is not good for me, my back feels worse and I can feel my knee's seizing up a bit more as each day pass's.

I need to keep active both mentally and physically, and I'm so frustrated with my restrictions at the moment. Went food shopping with Himself yesterday, which was the first time I'd set foot out of the house since last Monday when I bumped into Lesley aka the  Mad Dog Woman of Shackleford.

Luckily I'm the sort of person that is happy with the peace and quite of my own company, I'm usually fairly adept at keeping myself occupied, plus I also had the delightful Badger Boo to keep me entertained, although he's still going out with his Dog Walker daily, as I think it would be unfair to keep him confined as well.

Good and Bad all in a Day

Yesterday started off like any other day, with a fistful of pills before I got out of bed, then once they start to kick in it's time to get up and face the day.

Breakfast:- Yummy

Annoyingly my delicious breakfast of pills didn't seem to be casting their magic spell as well as usual. So I decided I had better get up before I fell asleep again. Then pain of my Arthritis started screaming in agony once I started moving. This is not unusual, but yesterday I was in more pain than I usually am when I get up.

Over Shoulder Boulder Holder

Just read a brilliant post by Dr G's Vintage about comfy undies, and thought what a great idea to write a post for the ladies who are endowed with more booby than is practicable.

Now I'm not talking about the fake ones, I'm talking about the real ones. The ones that can make your life a living hell.

I don't know anything about statistics and I've not done a poll, but I do know there are lots of women in this country with such huge breasts they can affect their everyday life. I know this as I have a pair of these huge monstrosities, that I have to lug around 24 hours a day.

 I can't wear pretty delicate lacy underwear, I have to wear something that resembles the scaffolding around Battersea Power Station! 

The delicate stuff just isn't up to the job, the straps are too thin and cut into your shoulders like cheese wire, imagine carrying a really heavy carrier bag all day that's cutting into your fingers and you can't put down. Then there is the problem with the cup size, it's either too low or the material hasn't enough elastic to hold you in, and you get the unflattering double breasted look, or they spill out under the armpits, both of which are very uncomfortable!

Then you get the under-wired ones, manufacturers will have you believe under-wires offer support. They might do if you are of a normal size, but I wouldn't know. When you are carrying around something that is nearly the same weight as a couple of bags of sugar, under-wires do absolutely nothing except dig into your ribs and the skin under your arms, feeling much like they are trying to get into your internal organs.

Very few shops stock the large over-sized  bra's which makes getting new ones difficult. 

The only real option is online, and that can be a nightmare. The manufacture of over-sized bra's has improved greatly over the last 10 years or so, but as any woman knows, you really need to try it on. Manufacturers sizes vary greatly, and so do the shape of womens breasts.

 Last time I went to buy a bra, I was lucky enough to find a shop that had some that were nearly my size. I tried on 17 before I found one that fitted. Great I've found a bra, so I ask for 6 more as I really needed to replace my old ones, only to be told I will have to order the rest as they only carry one size of each style in stock. How frustrating, if I had been of a normal size I could have bought them there and then!

Then there are the physical problems. The constant back pain because of carrying what amounts to a heavy ill fitting rucksack on your front, and the bleeding shoulders because of the constant digging in of the straps, and the never ending war against fungal infections underneath these alien life forms!

Then when it comes to finding clothes, it's yet another nightmare. You can't wear anything strapless, low cut or with thin straps, because of the huge ugly bra you have on underneath.  I hear somebody saying "Why not use Tit Tape?" I'll tell you why, it  isn't up to the job, now if they made it with Superglue then maybe! 

Any seams or lace on the bra show though the front of thin blouses, and you can always see how wide the straps and back strap are through the back of anything tight fitting.

After a lot of years you have had enough of this living hell, so you go to the Doctor to ask for a Breast Reduction. Only to be told that very few are done by the NHS as it is not classed as a medical problem, you will have to go private!

Yet if you want a breast enlargement, all you have to say is the size of your breasts make you feel unhappy about your body image,  and voila you can get bigger breasts on the NHS.

How unfair is that!!!

 

  

Mad as a Box of Frogs

Last week I went for my medical about my fitness to carry on working, and boy was that a waste of time!

Himself had to come with me as I find it far to stressful to go to new places on my own. 
Had to travel all the way to Portsmouth, and it then took me 25 minutes to hobble to the building where my medical was taking place from the train station.

By the time we got there, I was in serious pain and could barely walk. Thankfully there was a lift, so no stairs because I really don't think I could have walked up them if there were!

As I booked in 15 minutes before my appointment, this woman came out and said "Are you Dawn? I want to get this started as I want to go home"

We followed her in shocked silence, as this is my future we were there to discuss. Not some minor medical matter!

She didn't seem to know exactly why I was there, luckily I had taken my previous medical reports which as she read, spent the whole time singing in a rather flat tone "Dum Dee Dum Dee Dee" and doing it even when typing her report.

The whole time I'm sitting there feeling like I'm facing "The Executioner" 

She was very unsettling and hardly asked me any questions, just looked at my repeat prescription form and said  "I don't understand how you can be here and awake on Morphine and all your other drugs"

I replied "Because I've just got to get on with life, haven't I" in a rather aggressive tone, so Himself informed me when we left. Oops!!!

I'm not going to bore you with the whole interview although it was rather too short I felt for such an important matter!

She couldn't make a decision, so now I've been referred to see a Doctor for yet another medical, I can't believe how much I'm being jerked around. I'm happy to work, I've never complained about not being able to manage my job.

This whole process is so very very stressful!!!

It's making me feel totally unwell, I'm unable to sleep because of the worry of losing my job and how I will support myself!

Hopefully the Doctor I have to see, will be able to finally make a decision so I can get on with the rest of my life!!!

Far to Tired to Care

Today is one of those days where I've had just about enough!!!

I'm sick of being in pain!!!


Sick of people around me thinking they know what is best for me!!!

Unless you have been here, you have no idea how relentless and debilitating pain can be!!!

Yes I'm grumpy today!!!

I'm grumpy because certain people are voicing their opinions!!!


Insinuating I sit around doing nothing all day!!!!

It is very, very hard to keep going when every movement causes excruciating pain!!!


But I do keep going, because if I stop, I'd stop forever!!!


Don't judge me, when all you know is what you think you know!!!

Believe me, you don't know even half of it!!!

If you are reading this, you know who you are!!!


I suggest you keep your stinking nose, out of my business!!!


At least get your facts right before dictating to me!!!

Rant over

Think about it!!!!

Have you ever experienced pain?

Of course you have..

I live with constant pain every day. It's not something I like to go on about, but I feel it needs a mention... Too many people are quick to judge about my state of health because on the outside I look fine, most of the time I have a big cheesy grin on my face and am joking about. When in fact it's a cover for that way I'm really feeling!!

I don't like to go around with a glum face moaning all the time, telling everybody my woes, although too some people that is a way of life. I just want to get on with things, and live a normal life for as long as I can before the pain of my Arthritis takes over completely, and the massively high doses of painkillers I'm on are unable to
keep me working and supporting myself financially.

I'm not the only person in this position, many people have inner demons of one sort or another, which may have a massive impact on their lives! It may not be pain, it may be a mental health issue. But what makes people think they have the right to judge our situations!!!

Have you ever decided you know something about somebodies situation, when in fact you know nothing..

Think about it!!!